Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Melissa leaves on Sunday, or thereabouts, like I said. I wonder what it says about me... the fact that I'm thinking of leaving of my own volition, whereas Melissa is being forced to leave and wants to stay. It's seems so selfish, somehow. And I feel guilty for having the option to stay, whereas she doesn't.

It's been a rough couple of days. We've both been trying to keep it together and stay strong. Naturally we've had our bad moments. Luckily, we had other PCVs around to get us through the first couple of days. I can't imagine if it were just the two of us. What a pity-party that would be! I'm trying to stay upbeat and look at the positive things. I'm wonering how long I'll be able to keep it up.

Oh Uganda!

December 17, 2008

Chaos

So it's been a crazy week so far. Car accident on Saturday. Christina leaving yesterday night. Courtney leaves on Thursday. Melissa has to pack up on Friday and flies out on Sunday. Me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. lol Maybe I'll go back to site Friday, maybe not! It all depends on my stupid arm. *sigh* All I know that it'll be tough going back to site for so many different reasons. And it totally blows that Christina's gone for good now, and Melissa will also be gone. So now it's just me and the villagers. Yikes!

I'm not quite sure what the future holds for me right now. How I'll react once I get back to my lovely village. Maybe everything will be great. Or maybe I'll have a complete meltdown and beg Peace Corps to come back and get me. Maybe I'll think transport is easy and actually get to enjoy the holidays. Who knows. It'll be...interesting.

I know that the best way to get over a fear is to just face it head on. And I'm sure that's what I need to do. Putting it off isn't going to help, just make it even harder. But it's much easier said than done.

Friday, July 18, 2008

June 19, 2008

So, I've decided to finally break out the laptop once more and be a good girl and type out the events of the past, umm, 3 months? Oops. First things first, I made it to my new site in one whole piece.

I almost cried today. My dvd player wouldn't work. But, I've discovered that I'm good at fixing laptops! All you have to do is bang it and, presto! Everything works beautifully. I think I missed my calling to work for Apple. :D

The Grand Feast

June 24, 2008

Holy crap. I just took valium for the first time and my head is fucking swimming. If only the valium would actually do what I want it to and relieve my back spasm. I could do without that swimmy head. I don't think I ever want to feel this way again. Just like when I was prescribed codeine, I really don't like the side effects. Unless my back spasms stop, I'm never taking this shit again.
Oh man. So, for the past week I've been craving samosas. I used to be able to find them all over Luweero during training, and then in Mbarara at various food places. But they're nowhere in site in Kibaale District, let alone my small trading center. But, alas, Yasin has found me people who make them. And I have finally got samosas. I've already brushed my teeth (it's close to 9pm now), but I'm eating them, and they're the most delicious things I've ever had. Especially with my head all swimmy It's quite interesting stumbling around in the pitch dark, looking for the people selling the samosas. Good job valium! And now… I plan on watching the first Pirates on my lovely laptop. Nothing like watching Johnny Depp as a pirate while you're head's all fuzzy. ;)

July 1, 2008

Today, I was annoyed. Really annoyed. Spent half the day at the district headquarters waiting for people to show up so I could pick up condoms for distribution and try and get my hands on VCT kits. That turned out to be a complete bust. Naturally, I was in a pissy mood after having wasted 4 ½ hrs of my life (kind of how I felt after watching Eyes Wide Shut- if you haven't seen it yet, don't bother!) Then, I get into a taxi, whose driver has the absolute nerve to ask me "if I've produced"! Translation: he thinks I'm going to marry him. Fat chance! It was such a relief to just get back to my place and vent to the people around me.


July 2, 2008

Time has a different meaning in different cultures. This is what I have learned since moving to Uganda. Well, actually, I kind of knew this back in the States, too. There's Jamaican time (but I forget what that means). Here, Ugandan time means showing up anywhere between 1-3 hours after the arranged meeting time. If you show up anywhere in that time period, then you are "on time". How this is acceptable to people, I have no clue. But, that's the way things roll here. Yasin and I were supposed to hold and outreach starting at 2p.m. There were signs posted in the trading center, and we had a mobilizer go to the T/C in order to make sure people were informed of the session. However, our session ended up starting at 4:30ish. Right on time.


July 3, 2008

A perfect day, all in all, I'd have to say. Went out into the field, helped built a fuel-efficient stove and got fed chicken at the end of the day. J Nothing better in my book. Started off the day nice and early. Made the bike road out early in the morning , so the ride was pleasant. I wish I could describe the scenery out here, paint it with words the way it deserves to be, just I just don't have them. The path is a bitch to ride, but the scenery makes it worth it. And the serenity that comes with being out in the middle of nowhere. The best word I have in my diction to use in regards to the way I feel when I make that trip out to K---- is content. And at peace. On the morning ride out, I was thinking about my blog and how I would describe what I saw and what I felt at the time. And I came to the conclusion that I felt content, kind of like the way I see the people around me at my organization. Not the ones who run it, but rather the workers. They seem to me as if they're not lacking anything in their lives. There's no want. Despite the fact that other people might see that there's a lack of "things", I feel as if we have all we need. (Except maybe some more protein.) The people here, they laugh, they joke, they smile, it's as if there's not a care in the world. It amazes me, and it also makes me feel right at home. I picture Agondezi, dancing with that signature smile of his, Mary and Kaguta making fun of each other, Abwoli weaving her mat, and all in all a happy family. This is exactly where I'm supposed to be. And exactly where I want to be. People other than the ones in my organization are also starting to greet me by name, which feels really good. A helluva lot better than being called muchina or simply being shouted at with the phrase "Sista', I want to marry you!"

The field session itself was a lot of fun. It was actually my first time making one of those stoves. I've seen the finished product before, but never knew what went into making those things. It really is an all-day event and not easy to do. I got to grind up leaves with the huge mortar n' pestle devices they have here (lots of fun, but REALLY tiring and causes blisters, as was evidenced by the first time I tried to grind g-nuts), squish the leaves in water and make a gooey paste, and play in the mud. All the things my mom would have balked at when I was younger, especially considering how dirty I became in the end. (Some of the goo was accidentally spilled on me and I got splattered with mud several times. I'm not looking forward to doing laundry this weekend…) I think the Ugandans were also pretty amazed that I was willing to get so dirty, but hell, it's a lot of fun. Like being 5 years old again and there's an actual end product to it all. How can you beat that!? Vincent was a total rock star when it came to building the stove. I don't know how he managed to do it, but the man didn't stop moving for about 5 hrs! In the end, he complained of back pain, so I offered him the rest of my valium. ;) The only thing I have to complain about is that the ride back was more brutal than I remember (I've made the trip out to K---- three times before) and my legs were screaming when I got back. I think I'd have simply fallen off my bike if there weren't other people around me and didn't want more attention than I normally get.

In other awesome news, but non-work related, I'm going to Rwanda! Christina n' I are going to tour the place for a week at the end of this month, which I'm super-psyched labout! (Of course, I should probably double check with PC and see if my leave was actually approved…) But, there's a definite plan of eating lots of cheese and French baked goods! Croissants, here I come!!! And of lying on the beach. Ahhhh, water. That you won't get schisto from. Love it. I absolutely can't wait. As long as PC let's me go.


July 4, 2008

Finally, a day off from the field! But, then again, there's always need to type of lovely reports. So that's just what I did. And right in time for our evening meeting, which started at 9pm and went on until just before 11pm. I won't bore you with all the details, but there was one point up brought up, which was about having a "balanced diet". Lately, there's been a lot of ebihimba and matookye (beans and mushed bananas), the Ugandan staples. I can live with the beans. I like beans. Just not every day. And when the Ugandans start complaining, you know you've gone overkill! It reminds me of that one fateful day my mom made me go into the pantry to get more rice to cook. When I got down there, I thought maybe she had made a mistake and the rice was actually upstairs. Then, I found out that we're not really Chinese, because we'd run out. Certain things just should never happen. One, Chinese people should never run out of rice, and two, Ugandans should never feel as if they've had too much ebihimba and matookye. Once that happens, something's gone horribly wrong.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Out With the Old, In With the New

June 8, 2008

Site

I've been at my new site for just over 2 mos now and I LOVE it. :) It was a much needed and much appreciated move. My new site is in Kibaale District, and the area is just as beautiful as the Southwest. And just as cool, thank the gods. I think it rains here a lot more than in Mbarara, but that's fine by me. The rainstorms are actually pretty crazy out here. Crazy awesome. Until one of my rooms ends up semi-flooding. Then I'm just the crazy muzungu who squeegies out her room. lol It's great crazy entertainment for the Ugandans.

Sometimes I think that I was meant to be at my new site. Funnily enough, I went out to Kibaale District for my PCV visit during training. I now live 15 minutes away from where I spent my visit. So, it's kind of like a full-cirlce. Or something. But, I know I'm in the right place for now.

Anyways, in short, things are looking up and up.


Digestion

Sadly, my stomach is acting up again. I thought I had Giardia, but I was wrong. Then, I thought I had amoebas (much cooler than Giardia), but, again, I was wrong. Apparently there's nothing wrong with me. Except for the fact that my intenstines don't like me very much right now. And I don't like them. Sadness.

Big Fire

One of my favourite things to do now is cook with my new Ugandan friends. I've started cooking on the sigiri (charcoal stoves) and also just using wood. Somehow it's just more fun than using a gas stove. The best part, I get to burn things! It's especially fun when I get a huge fire going under the sauce pan. hehe So much fun that, in fact, I'm thinking of figuring out a way to bring home a sigiri. :D

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Little Frayed Around the Edges

Though I've done this before.... quite recently, actually, in the grand scheme of things, I'm quite nervous about moving to my new site. I'm trying to hold it together as best I can. I know it'll be hard at first. That's a given. But I'm really hoping it won't be as difficult as the first time around and that this new site works out well. Here goes nothing....

Monday, March 10, 2008

Finding Peace

March 10, 2008

It's been a crazy ride so far, to say the least. I'm going to try and explain the things that I'm feeling and thoughts that I've been having for the past couple of weeks, but don't know if I will succeed. Especially since this blog is totally last minute and un-pretyped. If you asked me about two or three weeks ago how I was feeling, I would have told you that I was completely at peace with myself and what I was doing. I felt as if I was exactly where I needed to be at the right time. I wouldn't have changed anything (except maybe having running hot water...But even that's not a big deal to me anymore.) But, the last couple of weeks, I've been extremely stressed, anxious, nervous, frustrated, angry, and a bit depressed. And I had a lot of regrets. Although, the word "regret" might not exactly be the right word. Or maybe it is. (I think I should look it up in a dictionary just to be sure, but I don't have one handy.) Basically, I've been thinking a lot about things that I could have done differently. I've had an "ideal" picture in my mind about how certain events could have played out, but didn't. About how I should have said or done something at a particular point in time, but didn't. And about how great and "perfect" my life would have been if I'd done or said something differently. I have these images in my mind about how I want things to be, and keep grasping and dreaming about them, hoping that they'll somehow come true. And I know it's not good for me. It's not healthy. I feel that I should learn to be content and accept what is, what is happening now, but can't quite get there. There's always that "what if". I keep scheming in my head how I can maybe manipulate things so they are the way I want them to be. But it's totally unrealistic. And very selfish, perhaps.

My friend asked me just the other day what was in my heart. What I told her was this: I wish I could be content with what I have. That I could find peace with myself and with what was going on around me. That I would have no regrets. Hopefully I will find that place again soon.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

January 27, 2008

Owaino Market

I finally made it to Owaino Market during IST. I've been hearing about how great it is since I arrived in Uganda. No exaggeration. It's a huge second-hand clothing market that also sells suitcases, radios, and, umm, not sure what else. But it's big and has tons of stuff for cheap. The only way I know how to really describe it is like the markets in Taiwan, but with much narrower aisles-wide enough to fit only half a person. But I don't think that really helps a lot of people, since they might not have been to Taiwan… People are constantly shouting at you and grabbing you while you pass their stations. For me, it's the usual uchina, Japan, Korea, etc. Fun. And completely overwhelming. The best thing to do if you're headed to Owaino is to have a game plan. Either know exactly what you want to get while you're there, or go in with no plan to buy anything at all. Otherwise, you're screwed. You'll be looking from side to side, front to back with no idea what to do or where to go. And it's always good to go with other people-preferably a really large (white) guy. Luckily for me, my first time going I had two large white guys with me. The drawback being I was either their wife or mistress. Not sure how I feel about that… And despite multiple explanations and protests from my friends, the Ugandans still believed that I was one or the other. Oh well. Better that than being asked if I want a Ugandan husband. It was also "interesting" (for lack of a better word) to walk through a second time with just my friend Zach. Now, it should be said that Zach is a really tall white boy. Over 6 ft. For him, he lives in the village, so everyone knows him and calls him by his name. (Kind of like Cheers.) And while walking around Owaino with me, he was basically invisible. People didn't really harass him, but focused on me, the Asian standing next to him. Fun. When he did get noticed, it was easy for him to explain that he was from the US. They believed him, no arguments made. Me? That was an entirely different story. It took the both of us to try and explain that I'm from NY and not some Asian country. And more often than not, the Ugandans still didn’t believe us. sigh What're you gonna' do? It didn't take Zach very long to catch on to the fact that I was incessantly being harassed (unlike him) and take pity on me (not that he could do anything about it.) As Karine, who often walked around with me during training in L___, put it "Man, it's intense walking around with her. It never stops." Which is all too true, sadly. Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear. Stealth mode. Nice.


The Illnesses Return

During training, Anni and Liz, our amazing PCMOs, once told us that we were "the sickest group they ever had". And they meant this in the nicest way possible, of course. I can only recall 2 people out of our group of 21 who didn't get sick. They told us that we'd get better once we were at site, which turned out to be true, for the most part. (There were, of course, several cases of "stomach problems" among our group. But that was to be expected.) However, for some strange reason, as soon as we all got back together for another training, we started dropping like flies. (I, luckily, did not succumb to whatever curse was put on us.) Out of the 20 of us that were there (Reva, from a previous group, joined us), 13 were either sick and/or had some weird rash on their body. Very odd indeed. There were cases of dysentery (oh, what joy), conjunctivitis, worms (yes, worms!), and god knows what else. Sarah B. managed to lose her voice after only 2 days of being at training. And lord only knows what was causing the rash-like thing that was on Caitlin, Nicole, and Jon's arms. (Neither Anni nor Liz could figure out what caused them.) But, let me tell you… it was nasty looking. Personally, I think it's a sign that we shouldn't be together. Because every time we do, we start dropping like flies. And it ain't a pretty sight. That, or the hotel we stayed at is harboring lots of bacteria, mold, and what-not. And we should never stay there again for trainings, etc. Which would be sad for me, since I didn't get sick. And it has a pool. The latter being the most important. Though, one could argue that the former would be more important, since I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the pool if I did get sick… hmmm


The Perils of Running Water

Now, don't get me wrong…I consider myself blessed that I have running water at my site. I love having a porcelain choo and not having to worry about peeing in a bucket late at night. It's awesome. But, there are some times when having running water is not so much fun. i.e.-When it's 8:30 at night, your toilet starts to overflow like it's Niagara Falls, you have no idea how to make the water stop coming out, there's no plumber around, and you have to leave the next day at the butt-crack of dawn for training for the next two weeks. What did I do, you ask? I did what any sensible girl would do in such a situation. I stood by the toilet for a good 5 minutes, flushing every time the toilet filled up and threatened to overflow again. Yup. That was my quick-fix solution. Until I realized that I couldn't do this all night, let alone while I was in K'la for training. (Although, once I clone myself I might just do that the next time it happens.) Luckily, my neighbors are awesome and came over and helped me devise something a bit better that slowed down the water flow. Still, when I got back from training, the tank was once again full and there was an entire water-basin full of water below the tank. Nice.